Amy Schumer Cam Raped

Amy Schumer missed the first day of I’m suddenly super fucking rich and famous orientation. The late bloomers never catch up. Watch the fat kids in ski school.

Born attractive chicks embrace their bogus public persona from the time they’re working over their sixth grade teacher for a passing grade. You and everybody else passed the background check, Mr. Foster. Give her an A just in case.

Schumer ran into an overzealous fan over the weekend.  She’s still learning how to handle her recognition:

This guy in front of his family just ran up next to me scared the shit out of me. Put a camera in my face. I asked him to stop and he said ‘no it’s America and we paid for you’ this was in front of his daughter.

Schumer did what had to be done. She posted his photo on social media, called him a horrible father, and insisted she’s never taking photos with her fans anymore. If he’d called her plus-sized, you wouldn’t be seeing his photo and his daughter would be mourning her father.

It’s silly for anyone to suggest the public owns Amy Schumer like some Russian bride or tranny-friendly gender neutral park restroom. Schumer relies upon public admiration for her large paycheck. Sane people understand the up to two layers of disconnect between that and you owning her like a hog. Next time just ask politely. Also, talk to somebody you trust about why you’re a grown black man infatuated with Amy Schumer. This could’ve been easily avoided if you just considered watching sports.

_{Photo credit: Amy Schumer/Instagram}