Johnny Depp World’s Oldest Emo Kid In Bizarrely Candid Interview

No headline could possibly do the fact that Johnny Depp hashed out his post-Amber Heard divorce emotions on a typewriter justice. In fact nothing I wrote could be more revealing or knee-slapping than what Depp himself has to say about channeling his darkest 2005 MySpace self at his current tender age of one-hundred. He’s such an asshole. I really can’t with this. He’s such a fucking asshole. After revealing that he did in fact begin writing his memoir on an asshole typewriter after his divorce from Heard, he continues, in his new interview with Rolling Stone:

I poured myself a vodka in the morning and started writing until the tears filled my eyes and I couldn’t see the page anymore. I kept trying to figure out what I’d done to deserve this. I’d tried being kind to everyone, helping everyone, being truthful to everyone…The truth is most important to me. And all this still happened.

Framing this as “hipster” behavior would be too flattering. He went from hipster to a mid-2000’s emo kid who wrote haikus about Dashboard Confessional with the whole tears filling up his eyes until he couldn’t see the page thing. The visual of his eyeliner melting down his face doesn’t help. Edgar Allen Asshole.

For those who don’t remember, Depp’s split from Heard was all the rage in 2017, and was famously accompanied by a video of Depp screaming at Heard as well as numerous rumors about his finances and alcohol and drug use. I won’t believe any of it. ::Eyes picture at top of page.:: Not for a damn second.

I’m burying the one cool thing Depp said during his candid interview because I don’t want it to win you over. When asked if the rumors of excessive spending were true, Depp responded:

It’s insulting to say that I spent $30,000 on wine…Because it was far more.

Even emo kids have their moments. In the words of Depp’s favorite artist: “He was a skater boy. She said see you later boy. He wasn’t good enough for her.”

Photo Credit: Johnny’s Ex-Wife Actress Amber Heard from Instagram / Pacific Coast News