Justin Bieber Hits Paparazzi With Car

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Some of life’s most important lessons can only be learned through firsthand experience. If you look at Amy Schumer’s tit, your retinas will explode. If you stand in front of a moving car, you will get run over. The latter is especially difficult for members of the elite paparazzi profession. Years of fine-tuning photographic prowess as well as needing to sustain a drug habit make the paps thirstier than a hobo clicking together empty cups at Christmas to the tune of Jingle Bells in exchange for handfuls of coins. (I want to add that I totally respect the paps. Thanks for serving.)

After receiving Jesus last night at City Church in Beverly Hills, Justin Bieber waded through a swarm of paparazzi to get into his tastefully tank-like truck needed for the rough terrain of flat paved roads. The heft of the car came in handy when plowing down a pap. Bieber can be seen briefly driving forward before the side of his car clips the luckiest guy in the world. Getting hit by Bieber himself. If I could touch the hem of his garment.

Bieber cooperated with the police and doesn’t face any charges. Ansel Adams is in the hospital being treated for non-life-threatening injuries. Our education system needs to go back to the basics. Don’t stand in front of a moving vehicle. Unless it belongs to Justin Bieber. In that case, get hit and make a bunch of money.

^{Photo Credit: Splash News}

^{Video Credit: TMZ}