Jesus Christ Interfering With Justin Bieber’s Career

This headline is the reason I got into the smut business. Speculations surrounding the abrupt cancellation of the remainder of Justin Bieber’s Purpose World Tour have been swirling since the pop sensation’s announcement this Monday. Was he disheartened by his banishment from a terrible country? Was he taking time off to get more inspiring body art? Or was he on his period?

As of yesterday morning, unfounded 100% consensus was that Jesus and God themselves – in the form of Bieber’s pal Carl Lentz at Hillsong Church – caused his decision to cancel the remaining fourteen scheduled appearances. TMZ was told by trusted insiders that Bieber “rededicated his life to Christ.” But hours later, Bieber refuted that Lentz had anything to do with the Purposeless Tour, instead sticking to his publicist’s original announcement that the tour was canceled due to “unforeseen circumstances.” Bieber’s period. 

Now that the drama of not wowing more audiences with shitty autotuned music has settled, all eyes are back on Carl Lentz, and Bieber’s new faith in Christ cults. Lentz leads the Hillsong Church – a group that has all the buzzwords of the subject of an HBO true crime drama about a bunch of dead cult members. Lentz is “not your typical pastor” and more like a “rock star pastor,” and Hillsong is described as “a contemporary church, which is aimed towards people who do not like the conventional ideas of church and religion.”

Bieber not only made an appearance at the Hillsong conference in Sydney in 2017, but actually lived with Lentz and his wife for a month in 2015. The ambiguously dumb duo can also be seen together in dozens of Instagram pictures on both of their profiles. Now a source tells TMZ that Bieber is “becoming the Tom Cruise of that church,” and that Lentz’ teachings might interfere with any further music from Bieber. Let’s pray on it.

Something to cleanse your palette of old twink and Terry Richardson Jesus…

^{Photo Credit: Instagram, Splash News}