Justin Bieber Banned From Terrible Country

With limited zoning regulations, rivers that you could use to dissolve a body Breaking Bad style (probably a newborn girl,) working conditions that enable us to buy disintegrating Old Navy t-shirts for $3, and crime scene-resembling cuisine, China should be the number one destination for anyone who’s caught the travel bug. I mean, the number one destination for anyone who wants to catch a debilitating intestinal bug. The most discerning of (I apologize in advance to anyone reading this from China. You have a lovely country) shit holes has deemed Justin Bieber too offensive for their delicate sensibilities. When a fan inquired as to why all of Bieber’s Purpose Tour dates had been canceled, the Beijing Municipal Bureau of Culture responded with:

We sympathize with your feelings. Justin Bieber is a talented singer but is also a controversial young foreign idol. We understand that there are records of his bad behavior, whether it is in his private life abroad or on stage. His inappropriate manner has caused public discontent. In order to regulate the market order of show business in China and purify the market environment, it was decided that performers of inappropriate behavior will not be welcomed.

I Tibet you didn’t see that coming. “Purify” being a word countries should generally avoid using in public statements. Bieber previously graced China with his presence in 2013, when he was photographed being hoisted up the Great Wall of China by his bodyguards like a delusional twink asshole. China has previously banned celebrities such as Oasis and Bjork over their support for Tibet. But Bieber is a trailblazer. He’s being banned for being a douche monster. 

China has recently been limiting the exposure of foreign movies that could be construed as romanticizing Western culture. Instead, they’re forcing eyeballs upon their homemade slush. Acknowledging that a questionably-tatted white trash Canadian is more compelling than even the most talented of Chinese singing sensations (name five, right now) is a tough pill to swallow. The Beijing Municipal Bureau of Culture stated that the Bieber ban isn’t permanent. Sneaky bitches. They know he’s not going to make it past thirty.

^{Photo Credit: Instagram}