Johnny Depp Spent Like a Drunken Sailor

The business management firm Johnny Depp is suing for leaving him cash poor after twenty years of raking massive paydays is countersuing and releasing emails sent from their reps to Depp urging him to stop spending like a fucking twat baby. The emails revealed as far back as 2009, Depp was offering to sell his art work, houses, and even bicycles. Unless he had fifty thousand bikes, that latter give seems largely for dramatic effect.

Depp was making a ton of money and spending even more. In 2009 he was scrounging for Christmas gifts for his kids while hoping his $75 million in upcoming guaranteed acting fees  would soon kick in. This while buying more islands and paintings and rare bottles of wine. It’s refreshing to finally have a detailed answer to the age old question, how the fuck did that super rich guy get so fucking broke?

TMG management used the emails as evidence to support the story that they repeatedly urged Depp to throttle back the drunken sailor mall sprees. While Depp’s lawyers maintain TMG forged and misappropriated Depp out of millions of dollars. As with the Alyssa Milano case, the answer is certainly in the middle. A bunch of sober guys with calculators saw a wino dumb ass on a quarter million dollar spend-a-thon and likely jumped in for a taste. The one thing people who get swindled share in common is the way they let the world know they’re easy targets. 

Depp’s $25 million suit and the TMG countersuit will likely all be tossed and somebody will no-admission-of-guilt hand Depp another couple or three million he’ll immediately spend on DiCaprio’s confiscated Basquiat. Depp will eat cat food until the next Pirates installment in 2020. Meanwhile Amber Heard will laugh when people ask her to name those battered women’s charities she sent the seven million in the divorce settlment. These are not real people. They’re cartoon characters walking among us. Staggering really.