Johnny Depp Broke Ass

Johnny Depp has fired his long time agent at UTA because he’s reportedly sick of paying the commissions on his movie deals and his lying whore ex-wife. Seven million bucks per one marital blowjob is a great cut. He’s also embroiled in a lawsuit with his business managers whom he claims stole $28 million from him. If you don’t even notice the first $14 million, you’re doing really fucking well. Court documents reveal Depp owns 14 homes and a yacht. The yacht is obviously a stupid purchase, but owning $75 million in real estate should not be described as irresponsible.

You never hear about how some rapper blew all his cash on fixer uppers in historic neighborhoods. What’s most shocking is that Depp reportedly spends $30,000 per month on wine. It’s unclear if he’s investing in rare bottles or simply drinking several thousand bottles of Sutter Home per month. Neither scenario would be surprising. Perhaps he just likes to kick back and watch the new Lethal Weapon reboot starring Damon Wayans with a Del Taco burger and a 5k bottle of Bordeaux. All told he spends an impressive $2 million a month which works out to about 60 grand per day. That’s rock and roll. Or at least, baller wine connoisseur status. He’s in his mid 50’s. 

The throngs of people after Depp’s money are painting him as irresponsible. He’s not the one who did a shitty makeup job and leveled a clearly bogus allegation of domestic abuse. That means you’re desperate. He’s just watching the wheels go ’round and ’round. My card got declined, how much is the tab? It’s your lucky day, barkeep, how’d you like to own a four bedroom oceanside in Malibu? 

_{Photo Credit: Splash News}