The Comedy Central Roast Touts Its Own Demise

The entire point of a celebrity roast is to see who can get liquored up and deliver the most outlandish slams on their fellow drinking buddies. It’s a universally understood concept by any man who’s ever drank too much with friends. It’s how men bond. And occasionally some cool women who you might want to get with after you’re too drunk to do anything about it. Sometimes the roast is funny, sometimes it sucks, but that’s the constant.

Justin Bieber doesn’t have witty cool friends and nobody wants to drink with him. He’s not the regular guy in the Miller commercial you identify with, he’s the dick drinking the pretentious cocktail. Comedy Central is roasting Justin Bieber because he’s famous and will draw a shitload of teen viewers who don’t even understand the goof. Also, he’s perfected the ‘c’mon, guys’ face for the people he’s never met who will be roasting him. We accept that Katy Perry comes out in a girdle with sharks at halftime to sing her hits. When the NFL insists she play QB for the team in the lead to promote fairness, that’s when we look for anything else sports on TV. Not that a Comedy Central Roast stands for much, but I suppose it stood for something. Now that something is gone. I’m starting to understand why old people are ready to pull the plug.