Sean Penn Gets Special Sheriff’s Escort

Sean Penn is a lethal weapon. His fists of fury can’t just be let loose into a sea of paparazzi pestering him about nailing Charlize Theron with his Oscar winning dick. Somebody is going to get whacked in the sensitives. So the L.A. Sheriff’s showed up to escort Sean from the restaurant door to his car a few feet away. That’s called proactive policing. As would advising Charlize to stay with her mom during Sean’s roid rages. At the first sign of back acne swelling during an ‘I’m not fucking Spicoli rant’, grab the overnight bag and flee through the nearest exit, door or window. Come back when he calls you crying to tell you he misses the special velvety wrap of just your vagina. But, remember, he’s a really good actor. Don’t go back to soon.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News