Justin Bieber Tweets Farewell On Christmas Eve

Justin Bieber Tweeted a farewell message to his pre-diabetic teenage fans on Christmas Eve officially announcing his retirement. Well, as official as Tweeting a rambling message can possibly be. We told you last week about Justin’s shocking announcement that he is retiring from music after his new album drops. According to Justin, he’s just tired of everyone being mean to him. Shed a tear for the lesbian midget. Justin’s Tweets read like the suicide note of a 12 year old girl that was bullied too much on Facebook. He Tweeted:

“My beloved beliebers I’m officially retiring. The media talks a lot about me. They make a up a lot of lies and want me to fail but I’m never leaving you, being a belieber is a lifestyle. Be kind loving to each other, forgive each other as god forgave us through Christ Merry Christmas IM HERE FOREVER.

Putting aside that this fucker doesn’t know how punctuation works, I don’t buy it. Sure, he already has enough money that if he wanted to he could retire at nineteen and fill his days happily pissing in mop buckets and getting crabs from Brazilian prostitutes. But he likes the attention too much to leave the spotlight. He’s well aware that absolutely nobody gives a shit about a retired child star. No, we have many years of beliebing bullshit to look forward to. He really just might be here forever. Unless somebody produces a silver stake, in the name of Jesus.