Lohan Believes She Has Enough Funds To Buy An Island

Lindsay Lohan has changed her financial situation more times than New York City has changed the definition of gender. If a gender fluid person is able to identify as both a man and woman at the same time, even though they’re clearly not, then Lohan should be able to identify as a rich famous relevant celebrity, even though she’s clearly not. Not too long ago Lindsay was begging Facebook groups for any spare shekels they had laying around. But now she can allegedly afford her own island. I want to know what drugs are behind Lohan’s newly reached level of buffoonery. Because this counts as a high score.

Two resorts aren’t enough for hospitality entrepreneur Lindsay Lohan—she wants a whole island.

During an appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, the Mean Girls star confirmed her plans to purchase her own private island to supplement the two resorts she has already opened in Greece.

“Did I hear a rumor that you bought an island?” Fallon asked that Parent Trap actress. “That you were opening up Lindsay Lohan Island or something? Is that possible?”

“There will eventually be an island,” Lohan said. “That is fact. But I’ll have to come back and talk about that.”

I know Greece has had some financial trouble, but there should be some international law against selling an entire island in a fire sale to a fire crotch crackhead. Even worse, Lohan has Middle Eastern friends in low places. So allowing her to have an island to herself will only lead to her doing weird things with camels that American reality TV viewers will never approve of. But I doubt she even has enough money in her account to afford the entry level Netflix subscription rate every month. So unless an island is 90% off, a purchase like that for her sounds like a pipe dream.