Kourtney Kardashian Needs A Koat

Kourtney Kardashian wants to give you a reason to pick up the Fleshlight for the third time this afternoon and open up a spank bank account in her name. Just when you thought you could leave the degeneracy in 2018, it comes roaring through with its big, stupid, middle-aged head and hardly any clothes on. Never had I wished a woman suffer from frostbite on her clitoris until I saw a photo of this washed up hag looking like one of Santa’s lost ho, ho, ho’s in the Aspen snow. At least Kourtney doesn’t have to ask her boyfriend for a coat to borrow when she’s cold. It’s not like she ever could keep one around long enough to pop that big question.

A day after Kendall Jenner, 23, shared on Instagram photos of herself wearing a string bikini and an open jacket and ski boots while standing in deep snow during a New Year’s family trip to Aspen, Colorado, her sister Kourtney Kardashian followed her lead, posting pics of herself doing the same, wearing a thong bikini.

“Copied Kendall,” the 39-year-old wrote.

Kendall had earlier posted on her Instagram Story a car thermostat showed it was -2 degree Fahrenheit outside.

The bikini and puffer coat combo on an almost 40-year-old woman standing in fresh snow sings “menopause and midlife crisis” in harmony with “I have an undiagnosed mental illness.” I feel triggered by this traumatic event that I’m staring at. Where the hell was the warning, Kourtney? Someone get this Kardashian some proper clothing. Or at least a shirt so she can meet the other half of the requirement to enter the Patagonia store at the bottom of the hill.

Photo Credit: Instagram