Hot Lesbian Biker On A Mission Johnny Depp Gives Craziest Interview Yet

British GQ is giving the sexiest lesbian biker chic around – Johnny Depp – an opportunity for redemption following his bizarre interview with Rolling Stone in June, but thankfully for us Depp can’t conceal his deteriorating mental state and lesbian rage in the very lengthy interview. Depp first states that the folks at Rolling Stone threw him under the bus, before taking matters into his own hands and throwing himself under the bus throughout the GQ interview. When denying that he ever physically assaulted Amber Heard, Depp refers to her as “that person.” Possibly intended as a dis, but comes off more as something a crazy person says:

To harm someone you love? As a kind of bully? No, it didn’t, it couldn’t even sound like me. Why didn’t that person speak to the police [before Heard appeared in court with bruises on her face]? I mean, they spoke to the police, but the police saw nothing and they offered her an emergency medical technician. She said no. Police see nothing on her. Police see nothing broken in the place, no marks, and then they offer her an EMT to have a look at her and she says no and I don’t know if it was the next day or a couple of days later, but then there was a bruise. There was a red mark and then there was a brown bruise.

Depp also claims that the viral video – which includes the choice quote “You want to see crazy? I’ll give you fucking crazy” – of him going into a blind rage in front of an alarmed Heard was distributed out of context. He was upset because he just found out he lost like a billion dollars:

She wanted to make like it was recent. It was an older video and had to do with finding out that I had lost hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars.

In addressing the paparazzi attention Depp and his family receive, he states:

…if a paparazzo gets a shot, they’re far away and they get a shot of me and my kid, whatever, that’s their thing. But if I catch you, I will eat your nose. I will eat your nose, chew it up and swallow it in front of you and then you’ll fucking think about it next time. I fucking mean it.

Overall Depp feels that Hollywood has shunned him, and that his new status as an insane (but hot) lesbian is completely unwarranted and part of a larger defamation scheme deployed his former management. In news related to not being crazy, Depp reveals to the GQ interviewer, relatively unprompted:

You know what Texas Belt Buckle is? Well, a Texas Belt Buckle is where you have to pull your scrotum up over the top of your jeans without undoing them. All the way up and over. Oh, the horror of it all… You have to bring your cock back around and stick it through… Your cock has to go around the bend in a sort of semi fruit basket and then, well, then you’re fucked. You pull your testicles out over the top and leave them just resting there. That’s a Texas Belt Buckle. Then, of course, there’s a Dirty Sanchez, which is something else entirely. ‘Dirty Sanchez’, which I managed to sneak into Pirates…

Honestly, the interview is full of stuff like this, so you’ll probably want to check the whole thing out. I’ll leave you with Depp’s declaration of independence that reads like a particularly pensive caption from one of Alexis Ren’s selfies:

The truth will come out in all of this and I will be standing on the right side of the roaring rapids. I hope other people will be too. I know the truth and if I had to walk away from all of it today, the job, the career, all of it, and go toodle-oo, then fine.

I’ll be there you sexy bitch.

Photo Credit: British GQ