America’s Got No Talent Trapeze Artist Falls On Her Stupid Face

Network television features about one-thousand shows in which formerly respected celebrities sit in chairs from Battlefield Earth and make poor assholes fight for fame and money. It’s like producers realized that television was never going to get better than it was in the 80’s with Star Search, except they knew audiences craved screen time from Randy Jackson and Katy Petty. Read me like a damn book, producers.

America’s Got Talent is one of these shows, and on the most recent episode, a stage four depressing trapeze duo fucked up their act by letting the woman plummet twenty-feet face first. The only, and I do mean the only, reason anyone watches something this inane is to catch someone splat, so it’s a real bummer and frankly bad production that a safety net was in place to catch the woman. At least with Nascar – something possibly even more mind-numbing than AGT – the stars have the decency to explode.

The fact that there was never any real danger involved in the AGT trapeze act – with the “fire pit” being nothing more than set design – should wake audiences up from their competition show stupors. You’re watching air. None of this is real. Heidi Klum has been dead for a decade and now only exists as Sexy Terminator. Wake up people. As my co-worker notified me this morning, all actual talent ceased to exist with the end of the only reality competition show to ever matter, Stairway to Stardom.

 Photo Credit: AGT Judge Heidi Klum from NBC / Splash News / Backgrid USA