Feminists Posing as Potterheads Want Depp Banished

Johnny Depp is poised to have a significant role in the upcoming sequel to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them as feminists posing as Harry Potter fans are insisting he be sacked. It’s fairly moot since the film’s in production and Depp revealed himself as this Gellert Grindelwald wizard at the end of the first film.

Lauren Duca is a feminist blogger in New York known mostly for saying stupid shit to male news hosts, having them call her an idiot, then rallying the ladies around her with cries of misogyny. It’s the Al Sharpton playbook, run by privileged white women Tweeting from spin class. Duca led the lazy lady army of modern lemmings on social media with on the nose barbs at the selection of Depp, a commonly known abuser, for the role of Grindelwald. 

I wholeheartedly agree that Johnny Depp is a fantastic beast. However, I wish I did not know where to find him.

The reason why I won’t spend a single dime in ‘Fantastic Beasts: the Crimes of Grindelwald’ is because there’s Johnny Depp in it and I promised myself I would boycott all of his films. I just don’t get why someone as vocal as J.K. Rowling accepted that he play in the film…

Depp is fifty-four and everything alleged against him ever is rolled up into some TMZ and People magazine shared selfies and indirect accusations made by Amber Heard during her divorce proceedings from Depp. Proceedings that would ultimately see her receiving seven million dollars for eighteen months with Depp. Not that Depp’s a peach. He’s a drunken tool who purchases far too much art, drinks a couple thousand dollars of wine per day, and thinks he can be happily married to a lesbian actress headed nowhere fast on her own.

It seems extremely likely Depp gets to tossing shit about one of his seventeen homes when he’s loaded. He clearly punches walls like Raging Bull, or an angry woman with too many bracelets. It’s possibly he clipped Heard at some point with the cell phone she claims bruised her. Or the kind of dramatic bullshit almost all married men put up with from time to time. Unless you’re being punched or stabbed or shot, you’re not really being assaulted.

Heard’s case was never adjudicated or investigated in any real manner. She recanted the better part of it when she got her cash in the official joint statement, claiming if anything it was an accident and she wished Depp well. If you’re looking to pin Depp with anything, insufferable drunkard with stupid hats should be it. 

Depp’s a tougher case to prosecute in the feminist social media Octagon because almost all women want to bang Depp, or did. This isn’t some greasy gremlin like Weinstein. This is a man women over forty have imagined taking them to bed when flicking their beans through the years. But whatever rules used to exist have been thrown out with the baby and the bathwater. You can kangaroo court the shit out of people now and make them wish they’d never denied the existence of your particular god. 

If only these ladies knew how badly Depp needs this gig to keep his seven Bentleys, they’d reconsider. Long live the mob mentality. It seems to be going swell.

_{Photo credit: People magazine}