Don’t Let Ellen Degeneres Name Your Child

People are not pets. Celebrities still haven’t figured that out yet. While the notion may be tempting, naming your child something you would name your french bulldog will only make your kid hate you when they’re old enough to realize what happened. But when your dad is Adam Levine your odds of landing a normal name were slim to none to begin with. I’m almost certain he’s aware his vocals are annoying after listening to any three Maroon 5 tracks consecutively. I dare you to listen to She Will Be Loved, Sunday Morning, and Sugar without being tempted to slit a wrist or two. So why not irritate your daughter for all of her existence by allowing Ellen Degeneres to name her Dusty Rose. It’s no where near as bad as being named Blanket but still. 

Ellen DeGeneres is a woman of many talents, but did you know that she named Dusty Rose, the daughter of Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo?

“I saw a rose and I thought of Rose and then I heard the name Dusty and was like, that’s a beautiful name,” she recalled with the Maroon 5 frontman during his latest appearance on Ellen. “And I sent it to you and you were like, ‘That’s the name.'” 

Adam revealed that they’re expecting a second daughter, and they expect Ellen to “be involved with this next one, too.”

Ellen is so smooth. Yeah, there’s no way a female with the first name Dusty won’t be into wearing coveralls and dating other women when she grows up. This poor girl will have to endure a lifetime of some mash up name that resembles a Hotmail suggestion after the original email address you requested was already taken. Names play a part in a person’s life. Dusty Rose sounds like a name that’s always preceded by “now coming to the stage” while Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing blares in the background of the truck stop strip joint. Adam is out of control when it comes to decisions. But I really wasn’t expecting adult behavior by someone who looks like they only consume kale and kombucha all day. There’s an old saying in Tennessee, I know it’s in Texas probably Tennessee that says fool me once shame on you, you fool me you can’t get fooled again. Now if Sir Dubya could just deliver a DM of his wise words to Adam on Twitter before he lets a celebrity lesbian aid with another life-long mistake his second daughter will have to live with.  

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA