Ted Cruz Attempted to Marry Politics And Porn On Twitter

“Nerd Morty” from the most recent episode of Rick and Morty sacrificed his harmonica into the wishing portal in hopes incest porn would have a more mainstream appeal. At the bottom of that filthy wish portal dumpster was Ted Cruz making sure the kid’s wish didn’t go un-granted. He favorited a Cory Chase mommy/daughter porn clip featured on a @sexuallpoststwitter post. It managed to steer the American conversation away from uninteresting topics like the future of child immigrants and let us focus on things that matter most. Like incest porn shaming. 

“It was a staffing issue and it was inadvertent,” the senator said. “It was a mistake.” He said “a number of people” in his office had access to his account — contra Jimmy Kimmel and much of the critical Internet, who had assumed the senator himself clicked the heart, before someone else unclicked it in the face of viral mockery. But Cruz wouldn’t name the mystery staffer, or say how they might be disciplined. And twice that morning, reporters asked him if he himself was the liker. “No,” Cruz said quietly as he finally walked away.Cruz has watched porn on the Internet at least once, regardless of what happened on his Twitter account Monday night. He said so in his book “A Time for Truth: Reigniting the Promise of America.”

I really wish Ted Cruz would stand his ground on his preferred porn categories. He immediately backpedaled and blamed a staffer for the incident. But that’s not how twitter works. You have to be within the vicinity of filth to accidentally fall into it. If you can’t walk that twitter timeline tight rope, just use a different account like everyone else stalking their ex and attempting to not get caught. Because even if you slip up no eyebrows will be raised about a ghost twitter account favoriting freaky videos. Rule one in online politics is to never play Russian roulette with your personal but still very public account. Verified check marks on twitter means you’re better than the rest of us. Now behave like it. 

Click here to see the vid Teddy was watching