Amy Schumer Doggie Style

Amy Schumer is going out spitting venom, dousing the media with last-ditch attempts to claim her throne as the “After” Lena Dunham on a subway plastic surgery billboard. Sorry, Schumer, to be Lena Dunham you’re going to have to destroy that dog’s life and then blame others for it. And, of course, look like a potato that exploded in the microwave. Actually, that one you’re getting down.

The dedicated crusader for whatever’s #trending poses topless with just her costumed dog covering her tits in a new Instagram picture. As the astute observers at the Daily Star point out, “Amy proudly showcases every inch of her shapely curves” in a tiny thong. What shape that is, exactly, has yet to be specified.

The most strapping size six around is also all over the news for her recent renegotiation with Netflix over her salary for her streaming stand up, The Leather Special. Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle were both paid $20 million to Schumer’s $11 million for their specials. The real shocker being that Rock and Chappelle are still alive. I can’t really weigh in considering I’d rather have Gilbert Gottfried gnaw on my eardrum than hear from any of these three again. Here’s what Schumer has to say about the debacle, in the form of a caption on her wiener tit pic:

Hot dog dog. Thanks for chiming in on what you feel I deserve to be paid. I believe women deserve equal pay. However I don’t believe I deserve equal pay to Chris and Dave. They are legends and 2 of the greatest comics of all time. I would like to say that I have been selling out arenas these last couple years. Something a female comic has never done. That’s a big deal to me, especially because I know I do my best every night on stage for the audience and they have a good time. I didn’t ask for the same as my friends. I did ask for more than the initial offer. I will continue to work my ass off and be the best performer I can be. The reports of me “demanding” or “insisting” on equal pay to them aren’t a true. #fat #stealsjokes

Maybe if you #stolemorejokes you’d actually be funny.

^{Photo Credit: Instagram, Twitter}