Aaron Carter Bi-Something

Aaron Carter is rewriting his song “That’s How I Beat Shaq” to “That’s How I Beat Off Shaq” with a new bisexuality confession that marginally peaked the interest of the Internet for four minutes. Just because you look like a strung out Miami Beach gogo dancer exchanging sexual favors for bumps doesn’t mean you’re a member of the LGBT community. That wasn’t anti-gay. That was anti-people who look like corpses. Carter’s Twitter confession goes:

This doesn’t bring me shame, just a weight and burden I have held onto for a long time that I would like lifted off of me. When I was around 13-years-old I started to find boys and girls attractive. There were years that went by that I thought about it, but it wasn’t until I was 17-years-old, after a few relationships with girls, I had an experience with a male that I had an attraction to who I also worked with and grew up with.

He wraps a gay bow on things with the Boy George quote:

I’ve never felt as though I didn’t belong, I just acted as though I did.

After a recent string of erratic behavior, I’m not doubting that Carter is bi… polar. In June, Carter proclaimed his affinity for guns on his way to perform at a gay pride event. His demeanor in the video released by TMZ displayed all the stability of Travis Bickle. I am looking at you, Carter, and you look fucking crazy. The following month Carter was busted for drunk driving and possession of marijuana after vehemently declaring his sobriety in yet another video released by TMZ. The fact that Carter’s vlog is TMZ should already raise some red flags. 

Adding to our most recent Tribute Celebrity’s meltdown is his split from Madison Parker preceding his coming out. After Carter’s July arrest, he said of Parker: “I wanna be married. I wanna be engaged to my beautiful girlfriend, Madison. I wanna be a good father, a good role model, a strong role model.” These increasingly frequent brash, often contradicting statements make any sort of confession difficult to believe. Tomorrow he might be a bird. Or, his closeted bisexuality might be at the center of his emotional woes and tomorrow he’ll be a new man. Who fucking knows.

If Carter really is bi, I wish him the best of luck. I would suggest looking slightly less undead before trolling for taint at the gay clubs, but besides that, do what makes you happy. But something tells me that Carter’s journey, like his face, is about to get uglier. In 2004, Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan feuded over then pop sensation Aaron Carter. Two out of three of those people now look like they belong on PeopleOfWalmart.com. Maybe the lesson here is, don’t fuck up children in Hollywood? Or, maybe it’s DO fuck them up as much as possible, and get a lifetime of hilarity and buzz-worthy gossip in exchange. Like fattening up a pig before the slaughter. 

pic.twitter.com/Zi6ahCtk4U

— Aaron Carter (@aaroncarter) August 6, 2017