Amy Schumer Cinched Up But Good for ‘Snatched’

Snatched is the perfect movie for testing the nature of your relationship with your significant other. Specifically, what do you get for agreeing to see this movie? Anything less than the Leviticus trashing thing you’ve always talked about but she’s not been willing to do and you will kick yourself for being a shitty deal maker.

The critical consensus on Snatched is you will love it if you’re an Amy Schumer fan. Goldie Hawn fans are largely relegated to walkers and might take in a weekday matinee with their Filipino nurses. There’s no doubt if you declare it not funny on the Westside of Manhattan you will be labeled a hater. You’re good in Indiana. Proceed accordingly.

Less clearly agreed upon is whether the construction of Goldie Hawn’s face or Amy Schumer’s bisecting girdle required more man-hours to accomplish. Both are up there with the Hoover Dam. Credit Schumer for smiling even as her spleen was rupturing. Less credit to Hawn who had no choice but to smile. Trying to somewhat resemble your airbrushed one-sheet is a chore.

Schumer’s under the impression if she shows off enough tit men will forget she routinely implies they’re all knuckle dragging rapists and and like her after all. She’s onto a reasonable nugget of truth. Though Goldie Hawn could probably explain how not being a screeching privileged feminist in the first place remains the superior option. 

_{Photo Credit: Splash News}