Germans Are Hard to Take Seriously

Nobody thinks of the Germans until something bad happens with Germany. That’s an inferior public relations position. You’re the John Travolta of nations. Be like Sweden. Export funny girls and decent porn. When bad shit happens in Sweden, the world responds with disbelief. When bad shit happens in Germany, people totally saw that coming.

Big dollar fashion photographer Ellen Von Unwerth announced she was going to create a photo book inspired by reminiscences of her blessed Bavaria. To be called Heimat, the German word that roughly translates into I love this fucking place. Von Unwerth came back with images of Dionni Tabbers and other alt topless model chicks in lederhosen staging Eva Braun kinky pastoral fantasies.

Germany is a place where everybody is horny but nobody fucks. That’s why they have to import millions of young people to fill the schoolyards and cobbler apprentice positions. Who shall make our halal schnitzel when we are too old to shallow pan fry?

It’s okay not to appreciate art. It’s very okay not to appreciate German art. As with all nudity produced under the guise of profound expression, nod your head slightly, mumble “brilliant” just loud enough to be heard, and wait until home to masturbate to these big German hooters.

_{Photo credit: Ellen von Unwerth “Heimat”}