Michael Phelps Makes Aquatic Mammal

Michael Phelps has come a long way since being a fall down drunk fucking a transsexual porn star who looked like Curt Hennig. He just had a baby with his wife who is a former Miss California. Odds are high she’s too dumb to work the Internet and memorizes flash cards to order a Benedict.

Any time you can Google your husband’s ex along with the word anal and several hi def videos pop up there’s a real problem.

Phelps named the kid Boomer which is pretty cool but it’s not clear when they’re going to clip his wings. Phelps is apparently still a swimmer, a sport slightly more exciting than watching someone jerk off on an inner tube. He’ll relapse soon and pawn some gold medals. This kid has all the makings of a first round draft pick. It’s amazing he escaped Zika.

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}