DiCaprio Books Bieber

DiCaprio was cool when he was pudgy and had a ponytail and didn’t shave and sharted in front of the world’s hottest women and they still fucked him because DiCaprio. Now he’s like an insane Middle Eastern dictator who decides he’s friends with Kim Jong-un because nobody else gets him.

DiCaprio threw a private party in St. Bart’s on New Year’s Eve to celebrate the immense amount of model pussy he could overnight to the Caribbean with a FedEx packing slip that honestly read ‘Party Whores’. DiCpario chartered one of those non-existent carbon free private jets to fly in Justin Bieber to be the headline talent. There were like six other dudes and about five hundred hot women committed to zero foreplay. It’s what Islamic terrorists are imagining in that final second before they pull the cord.

We used to be good, DiCaprio. Now you’ve gone Ronaldo. No, I don’t want your sweaty jersey. There’s no “i” in the word St. Bart’s New Year’s Eve supermodel fuckfest. This was supposed to be about team.