Toms Hanks Son Explains the N Bomb

Tom Hanks’ wigger son singlehandedly embodies the challenges of being a beloved non-threatening movie star and reproducing. I accept the majority of children are now supremely gifted if you ask their parents. Should your wife give birth to a dud under these circumstances you’re in for a bumpy road. Gwyneth Paltrow’s kid is charging by the session to take a life sustainable shit on your patio and Chester’s over in the corner trying to fill a water balloon with peanut butter. Chester Hanks took to Instagram to defend his right to say “nigga” in his high school project rap songs which seems fine to me. It’s the Hard R we have to worry about. It’s hard to commit a hate crime when you desperately want to be like the people you’re attacking although that seems to be what gay bashing is all about. I rescind my theory. Hanks explained his proclamation:

“If I say the word nigga I say it amongst people I love and who love me. If I say “fuck yall hatin ass niggaz” it’s because that’s really how I felt at the time. And I don’t accept society getting to decide what ANYBODY can or can’t say.”

Nobody’s trying to censor you. They’re not even aware you exist. I’m starting to think Tom Hanks might not be as squeaky clean as we’ve been led to believe. You don’t get Jeffrey Dahmer by pouring your milk into a pitcher. I’m not suggesting anything drastic but when a request to play catch is met with a referral to your agent it can really affect a kid. You could have not made The Da Vinci Code and we’d have a double win. Now it’s on basic cable and your kid’s an asshole.

Photo Credit: Instagram