Amy Schumer Seems Guilty

Amy Schumer gave a waiter at a Long Island restaurants a $500 tip because she discovered by him telling her that he’s working really hard to put himself through college. As opposed to the rest of us who made it through by being crazy lucky at McDonald’s Monopoly. This rich person leaves an inordinately large tip thing has got to stop. Charitable donations to a waiter with a sob story is no different than Rob Gronkowski making it rain in the VIP room. Or would you say single moms blowing strangers for cash have it easier than adorable Scott who brought you your linguini and pretended he thought you were still in your 20’s?

It’s okay that a kid has to work through college. He’s going to make it. $500 could’ve paid for abortions for two Duggar sisters who will now be skipping college entirely to care for their incest babies. Not everybody is cut out to be new money. If you’re playing Godfather with the hundreds a couple years into it,  you may find you’re digging a never ending well. I’m sorry you feel guilty. Just wait until you discover that Scott’s not really in college but that really is his sperm crust on your sheets. Next time tip 20% like everybody else. This doesn’t have to be about you.