Johnny Depp Back On The Chain Gang

Johnny Depp is reportedly facing up to 10 years in prison and $263,000 in fines for bringing his two lap dogs into Australia on his private jet along with a bunch of caviar and a shipment of ascots. That’s if he’s prosecuted. By that rationale I’m facing a thousand years in solitary for jaywalking the last thirty years while publicly intoxicated. The pilot of the plane could also be on the hook for two years, which seems a bit more plausible since he doesn’t wear his cute rock and roller costume around everywhere. I’m frankly sick of these double standards. I don’t care about the dogs because I’m pretty sure they don’t have rabies or even calloused feet and are probably vegan and properly suited to be eaten by Tasmanian devils as nature has designed.

I’d like to know why I have to take my belt and shoes off at the airport and Depp can step on a jet rocking 17 necklaces 6 braceletts 4 rings and a chain from his wallet to his taint. That’s enough Fury Road gear to kick some ass if you’re not a midget on methadone. Of course I don’t fly private but I don’t see why they’re not subjected to the same rules. You’re picking my last Xanax out of my aspirin bottle and this fucker is housing yapping bio terrorists. How do you work out in that get up? Bend over and cough, Jack Sparrow.

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