Miss Lebanon’s Future Seems Bleak

When you leave Beirut on the burro for the Miss Universe pageant, you’re given two instructions. Smile like you’re from a better country and don’t get fucking near Miss Israel or Hezbollah will decapitate your family and shit down their neck stumps. For two weeks of whatever the hell they do at Miss Universe, Miss Lebanon kept her distance from Miss Israel. But sinister sneaky Jews being what they are, Miss Israel bided her time then popped into frame with Miss Lebanon in a selfie she posted to Twitter. All hell broke loose in Lebanon. Three times the usual rubble was created. Miss Lebanon was called a traitor, a Jew lover, and was in danger of losing her country crown to the chick with the infected face scab who came in a close second. Miss Lebanon quickly took to social media

Miss Lebanon’s manager filed a complaint with the Miss Universe pageant and demanded Miss Israel be removed from the competition. Then he turned to the camera and told people Beirut was lovely in the Spring and the Intercontinental had vacancies. The Miss Universe judges re-acted by naming Miss Colombia the winner because she’s hot and Spanish and learned early in life that men love tits more than politics.

Photo Credit: Splash