Diddy Punches Drake, Nobody Dies, There Is No Santa

Rap music was always good for some murders between disrespecting douchebags with bad chin hair and questionable upbringings. Now the best you get is a Twitter feud, maybe a bottle tossing incident at a club with underaged Kardashians if you’re lucky. Sean Combs punched Drake outside a nightclub in Miami apparently because the two had a dispute over the interpretation of some found art projects highlighted at Art Basel earlier in the day. Also Drake still holds a grudge against Diddy for casting shade on his haftarah portion at his Canadian bar mitvah. Diddy apparently yelled out ‘you will never disrespect me’ then punched Drake in the sideburns. The fight was quickly broken up as both entourages simultaneously regretted not going to vocational college and learning a marketable trade. Unfortunately, Rappers have far too much to lose these days to bother shooting each other. Prison is not so bad when your straight out of Compton, less great when you’ve spent the last decade receiving spa treatments in Palm Beach and having girls with warm vaginas begging you to make illegitimate babies. There’s always the chance somebody will stroke out fro stress during one of these pugilistic pose offs. I’ll pray for that.