Adrian Peterson Whipped Into Shape

Adrian Peterson plead no contest to misdemeanor reckless assault for taking a thin tree branch and beating his young son about the arms, legs, and naturally the ball sac for fighting over a video game controller at his home. Peterson had been facing a potential felony charge for the offense, which could have easily meant jail time and a loss of all his Dad of the Year trophies from the mantle. Instead, he got a small fine, two years probation, and has to film a couple PSAs about why maybe you ought not take a stick to your preschoolers junk when a timeout should suffice. Peterson has already served eight games on a paid suspension by the Vikings which is a way of making a paid vacation sound like punishment. It’s up to the NFL to respond to the resolution of criminal charges and decide his future playing fate.

Peterson apologized to the court and said he looks forward to more quality time with his family and or more quantity time with random women in different cities making more babies. There’s no winner here. Peterson would have probably never become a standout football player if it weren’t for the driving fear of his father shoving a bottle of Wild Turkey up his ass for not covering the spread. The odds one of his kids falls into Division II because he cuts down the willow tree are high as well. Win some, lose some.

Photo Credit: Twitter