Justin Bieber Seems To Be Under Investigation an Awful Lot

Justin Bieber is being investigated for attempted robbery because he tried to grab a chick’s cell phone. The Shrinky Dink gangster was apparently at Dave and Buster’s with Selena Gomez on a step stool whispering in her ear about how he owned her vagina. Some girl started recording the couple so Bieber tried to snatch her phone, but failed because he has the muscle mass of a six year old. He never laid hands on the girl or managed to get the phone so it seems like a completely pointless investigation. It’s possible the chick is just looking for attention, or that she’s mildly retarded since she’s fascinated with Justin Bieber. If we lived in a more civilized society, we’d strap some razor blade covered gloves on Bieber and the girl, lock them in a chain link cage, and let the Fates decide who walks out and who is carried out. Is there anybody who wouldn’t watch that? I’d actually buy the DVD.

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