Rob Ford Defends Justin Bieber

Toronto’s crack smoking and vagina diving mayor Rob Ford defended Justin Bieber on a morning radio show. Ford, who was stripped of a lot of his powers as mayor of Toronto for hitting the pipe and drinking more than even most Canadians, was on the Sports Junkies show in Washington D.C. when the subject of Justin Bieber came up. The wacky DJ’s said that the little lesbian pixie was Canada’s worst export. Ford fired back deftly:

“Come on! He’s a young guy, 19 years old. I wish I was successful as he was. Nineteen years old, guys, think back to when you were nineteen, you know?”

I just thought back. Nope, no DUI arrests in Lamborghinis or tagging fancy hotels or police storming my estate for video evidence of me pelting the mansion next door with eggs. Granted, I didn’t have an Italian sports car or a mansion at nineteen. Like most people, I had to wait until I was twenty-five for my first six-figure car. Still, Ford has a point. Teenagers do stupid shit and should be judged by teenager standards. Where I came from, when you were a teenager and acted like Justin Bieber, everybody would gather around and beat the shit out of you until all the stupid was gone. It’d be tougher to gear up for a beatdown on a hairless effeminate tiny person, but if you’re really his friends, you’d find a way to pull the trigger.