Justin Bieber Ruins Everything

Justin Bieber is the human taint. He’s like an STD minus any of the fun you had in acquiring him. Imagine you stubbed your toe on a table leg and it gave you herpes. That’s Justin Bieber. Earlier, we saw him fucking ruining Superman vs. Batman, just by the mere baseless insinuation he was going to be part of the upcoming movie. Over the weekend he instantly discredited Floyd Mayweather’s unification victory. Great work, Floyd, you out boxed Alvarez then willingly took a sucker punch to the rectum from Justin Bieber. Two months ago Bieber human smudged the Stanley Cup in the Blackhawks locker room. Do you think General Patton would’ve posed with Justin Bieber after taking Sicily? Would Macleod have let Bieber flash gang signs aside him after sheering off The Kurgan’s head? No. Not so much. I can’t remember exactly what brought down the Roman Empire, but I have a good idea what’s going to render us neutered and bereft of spirt. He’s 5’4 and he looks like the girl who turned me down for the 8th grade dance.