Justin Bieber Is No Stranger To Humiliating Pain

If Justin Bieber has taught us anything, it’s that grabbing your dick and moving your mouth while someone plays your album to an arena full of future Old Navy assistant managers is hard work. It’s even tougher when you spend your nights running around London with no shirt and your pants hanging low like a prison bottom, so much that Bieber couldn’t even make it to his show on time earlier this week.

Of course, the wear and tear of being shit on by Olivia Wilde and acting tough on Twitter came to a head last night, when Bieber collapsed on stage during his latest London show. The 19-year old has since Tweeted the above picture of him actin’ all swaggy in a hospital bed, probably proud of the fact that he just screwed his London fans out of two shows.

But Bieber should be concerned. This is just another of many warning signs of his impending (and often hilarious) demise, and we’ll gladly add it to the list.

Last October, Bieber barfed in front of a capacity crowd in Arizona, citing spaghetti and whole milk as the reason for his sudden illness. Gee, a stomach full of a thick white liquid? Even Rod Stewart calls bullshit.

Back in 2010, Bieber was hollering at his homeys at a show in Sacramento, when someone chucked a water bottle at his head. One day, it might be a grenade.

When you’ve got crazy swag, you have to dance like it. So while busting out some wicked kung fu dance moves, Bieber slipped and busted his ass. Maybe he slipped on some eggs.

Eggs, water bottles – grow some balls, haters. At least Harry Styles is getting his dick kicked in by flying shoes.

Part of the problem is that Bieber always seems to have people ready to help him. Like Carly Rae Jepsen, who saved his life at a show last year. The guy’s never going to take care of himself if he can’t handle falling down a huge flight of stairs.

Maybe he’s always grabbing his dick because he’s afraid these psychotic chicks are going to rip it off. He should let go for a second and just see if they try.

Sorry, this one if just a dream.