the top 100 stories of 2010 (80-89)

89. SANDRA BULLOCK – was the center of 3 huge stories this year, one of which was adopting the most menacing baby on earth. His first words were, “sup my nigga?”, followed by a fist bump. (April 28th)

88. CAMERON DIAZ – told the Sun, “I’m always traveling for cock.” The fact that the cock keeps running away is apparently lost on her. (June 17th)

87. CHARLIE SHEEN – got caught with a prostitute. Yes, back in April too. To be honest the last two stories are so unsurprising they probably shouldn’t even be on here. (April 14th)

86. PARIS HILTON – was out whoring around topless. Twice, in fact. And it was so sexy and exciting, it’s number 86 on this list, 5 slots behind fat pictures of Jessica Simpson. (July 19th, July 23rd, October 12th)

85. KEIFER SUTHERLAND – was thrown out of a London strip club with no shirt on, by 4 bouncers, for “disorderly conduct.” IT WAS A WEDNESDAY. God that dude is cool. (April 22nd)

84. JENNA JAMESON – held a tear soaked press conference to discuss the physical abuse she suffers at the hands of her boyfriend, UFC fighter Tito Ortiz. (fast forward 2 weeks) Oh, um, just kidding apparently. Domestic violence, LOL! (April 26th, May 10th)

83. TESS TAYLOR – was the victim of some scandalous leaked candids, showing the DD Playboy model and E! reality star getting stoned topless. This bitch really knows how to party. (April 28th)

82. MEL GIBSON – had an affair with a Polish porn star. I wonder if she ever did a real rough interracial gangbang scene where she started out dressed real slutty. That might explain why Mel was so concerned about Oksana and her outfits. (May 6th)

81. JESSICA SIMPSON – got even fatter. Honestly, is she a competitive eater now or something. (September 10th)

80. LINDSAY LOHAN – kept her crime spree alive in 2010, this year stealing a $35,000 Rolex and $17,000 in clothes. Her rehab voted her, “Best Dressed.” (March 24th, June 30th)