tuesday morning headlines

MEL GIBSON – has reportedly been sober for years, which means he was sober during the now famous phone calls that his ex recorded. Which is weird because he sounded drunk as hell. Also he’s Irish (*). Those people love getting drunk, yelling racist names and starting fist fights. That’s why I don’t spend Christmas with my family. (tmz)

OKSANA GRIGORIEVA – has a new evidence picture to use against Mel Gibson, this time showing “deep bruises around her left eye”. She told police he punched her once in the mouth and once in the temple. But not the eye. It’s all part of her plan to make people like me think she’s lying. (radar)

MARISA MILLER – is in the new issue of the FHM, the British magazine that failed here in America despite being way bigger and better funded than it’s rivals. If you used Playboy to represent the Continental Army, this would be a good way to teach history to boys in junior high. (fhm)

(*) a bunch of people emailed about this, because Mel was born in New York and raised in Australia, but his mom was Irish, and he has dual citizenship in America and Ireland.