thursday headlines

MEL GIBSON – might have hit his 6-month-old daughter Lucia, causing bruises, during a fight with his ex Oksana. So really it sounds more like Oksanas fault than Mels. Stop using babies as a shield you crazy bitch. (hp)

SUICIDE GIRLS – won’t be allowed at this years Comic-Con for some dumb reason, even though they’re much more in line with that culture than shit like “Chuck”. The most popular models will be there anyway of course, like Bob Suicide (who looks like this when she starts to get naked and this a few minutes later). She’s the best thing to ever happen to comic loving nerds, and will be until science gets off their ass and finds a way for me to have sex with Kim Possible. (details on her twitter)

LINDSAY LOHAN – has hired OJ Simpsons lawyer Robert Shapiro to hopefully get her out of jail. His plan is to convince the judge she belongs in a drug rehab instead, and to blame the so-called “evidence” on ginger hating cops. (tmz)

BROOKLYN DECKER – looked great at the ESPY’s last night, and I’m devastated that I forgot to watch the show. Finally, someone figured out a way to declare a winner in sports, and I missed it! (getty)