afternoon headlines

MEL GIBSON – claims his girlfriend tried to extort money from him in return for the tapes she made, and now she’s being investigated. The tapes likely won’t be admissible in any legal action against Mel, but the press he’s received has already ruined him professionally. “Well what did you expect from the Jew run media,” Gibson probably said. (la times)

LINDSAY LOHAN – cried a little when her lawyer came to visit yesterday. “She’s trying to make the necessary adjustments to an extremely stressful and difficult situation. There were some tears.” Girls often describe sex with me that same way. Because my dong is so huge, you see. (people)

OKSANA GRIGORIEVA – can prove that Mel Gibson hit their daughter because she has a picture showing the baby looking perfectly normal, except for an “abrasion” on her chin that you can only see because the camera is practically mushed against the babies face. Oksana says, “Mel punched her and hit their child.” With, I don’t even know, a straw, I guess. (radar)

JUDE LAW AND SIENNA MILLER – are still on vacation with three of Jude’s kids in Otranto, Apulia, Italy, and at least this time he has a beer in his hands. Last time he looked so girly he might as well have been kissing his Justin Bieber poster. (inf daily)