afternoon headlines

MEGAN FOX – should be on this list of famous people who blaze up (here’s a diff one). I’d also like to see her on a list of famous girls who have swallowed my semen. (htgb)

JENNIFER ANISTON – still sucks. ‘Bounty Hunter’ only made 3.8m in it’s UK debut. It’s hard to figure out why no one goes to see her movies. Perhaps it’s because she’s a terrible actress and self-pitying bitch. Oh wait I guess it wasn’t that hard to figure out. (daily mail)

TIGER WOODS – had sex with the daughter of one of his neighbors last year. She was 21, and lived so close they could see Tigers house when they were doin it. He must have a really good Homeowners Association. All I get is some votive candles on Christmas Eve. (radar)

MICHELLE HUNZIKER – is still in Miami, bless her heart. Blond white girls are boring, but … the pigtails. Pigtails are fuckin hot. More girls don’t wear them and that bugs me. It works especially well on Michelle because she’s Swiss. This would be a good ad for tropical cocoa. (fame images, splash news)