sean penn is going to jail. im kidding of course.

Nicole Richie got her second DUI after driving the wrong way down the Burbank Freeway while high on vicodin and marijuana. She served 35 minutes in jail (more).

Lindsay Lohan was charged with 2 DUIs, 2 counts of possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility, driving on a suspended license, drinking underage and fleeing the scene of an accident. She served 84 minutes in jail (more).

Michelle Rodriguez has managed a hit and run, driving with a suspended license twice, driving without a valid license twice, two DUIs, and tons of speeding tickets, including 90 in a 35. After all that, she was sentenced to 60 days in jail. She served 4 hours (more).

Knowing how tough the LA district attorneys are on crime, Sean Penn must be shaking in his boots right now. I hope he doesn’t do anything drastic.

Sean Penn will be charged with criminal battery and vandalism today, in connection with a run-in with the paparazzi … TMZ has learned.
The incident occurred last October in Brentwood, CA … as an angry Penn approached and kicked a paparazzo, allegedly breaking his camera.
If convicted on both counts, Penn could go to jail for 1 1/2 years.

Penn is a big star, and the DAs are star-struck pussies who could give a shit less about upholding the law, so, on a scale of 1 to 10, the odds of him going to jail for even one minute are “frowny face”. There’s no number for it, but it’s way below 1. The worst they’ll do is make him eat some real sour candy, or watch a ‘Road Rules’ marathon.