heidi wants to go bigger

Tyler has had a Heidi Montag ban for 7 months now, but I’m not clairvoyant. I didn’t know she was gonna do this. I didn’t know she was gonna improve herself with 10 plastic surgeries and get DDD implants.

DDD. Breasts. There’s nothing wrong with your monitor, and yes you read that right. D. D. D. Also called F, but they should just go with 3D because that’s what they are. In other words, I had no idea she was gonna look this awesome. Honestly, she looks terrific. She’s like a young, slutty, eager to please Faith Hill now. Which is to say, a much better version of Faith Hill. But, as most amazing women are, Heidi is not content to settle for second best. The Sun says…

HEIDI MONTAG (says) her triple D boobs still aren’t big enough.
She boasted: “I like the F. I actually want H for Heidi.”
Work on the 23-year-old blonde also included buttock augmentation, neck liposuction, brow lift, chin reduction, Botox in her forehead and fat injected into her cheeks, mouth area and lips.
She added: “I look like an improved version of myself.”

Hahaha, that’s right Heidi, you sure do! What a charming woman! But this isn’t all happy news, because of course some people are criticizing her. Probably fat people because they hate sexy people like me and Heidi and me. If science can do this, why not? What are we, druids? Go ride your horse to the creek and eat some boiled meat and grits if you don’t like it, Fred Flintstone.