friday afternoon headlines

NEW MOON – is already breaking records. The ‘Twilight’ sequel made $26.3M when it opened this morning at 12:01a.m. There were so many fat girls concentrated in so few spots, the mass pulled the moon 10 miles closer to America. If there’s a tidalwave, I’ll get you for this, Fatties.  (variety)

JON GOSSELIN – entered into a secret business deal that is a clear violation of his TLC contract. This could be the, “smoking gun that will doom Jon in the breach of contract action brought against him by TLC”.  To make this story even better, sharpie over all the words except “Jon Gosselin” and “smoking gun”.  Ahhh.  This is nice, isn’t it.  (radar online)

DEMI MOORE – went on twitter yesterday to deny she was photoshopped for the cover of W magazine (this), despite the fact that her left hip doesn’t even remotely line up with her thigh.  But one picture that is fake is the one claiming to be my senior portrait, with me playing the clarinet next to an iguana on a pedestal. That could really be anybody.  At least anybody with a shirt saying “Brendon has Senior-itis”.  (twitter)

MIRANDA KERR – was almost forgotten about. Because she’s kind of boring.  But then I saw one of her pictures and was like, oh yeah, Miranda Kerr.  That was a good story, wasn’t it.  (source = splash and wenn)