michael phelps is so screwed

Aren’t we kind of beyond the point where smoking weed is shocking?  Especially for an athlete, damn sure especially for a swimmer.  Anytime you’re in a sport where there are girls on the team, those people are gonna know how to party.  The entire sport is just a thinly veiled sham in hopes of seeing the girls tits.  The point to all this is that Michael Phelps got caught smoking a bong.  News of the World says…

It was on November 6, weeks after his Beijing triumph, that 23-year-old Phelps surprised students at the University Of South Carolina in Columbia by showing up unannounced at a house party.He was visiting Jordan Matthews, a girl he was secretly seeing who was a student there.Our source revealed: “Michael came to visit Jordan but ended up just getting wasted every night. “He arrived with a group of girls hanging all over him. Jaws hit the floor when he walked in. You don’t get many celebrities in Columbia, so when Phelps comes to your party it’s a very big deal.“He didn’t know many people so you’d think he’d be a little shy. But he was loud, obnoxious and slamming beers from the get-go.As he basked in his hero status, Phelps knocked back beers and shots of spirits. And when a student offered him the glass bong engraved with red writing, he did not hesitate, says our source.Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do. “He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits.”

Oh Jesus whatever.  It’s not like he was organizing bum fights.  Besides, what if we need someone to ride a seahorse and protect our oceans from threats of evil?  If he turns against us, who will we get?