ASHLEE SIMPSON IS FUN

I’ll figure out a way to cloak and dagger this stuff later on but for now I'll just say I have a friend who is absolutely on the inside with this crowd and these people and she has to be careful but I could give a fuck less so here you go:

okay, so, I was hanging out the other night when Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz and some friends sit down next to us.  Ashlee got completely wasted and gave Pete a lap dance, pulling up her shirt and everything.  Then she gave another girl a lap dance and tried to kiss her.  She doesn't eat, she just takes diet pills and drinks, but she told one girl that Jennifer Love Bacon isn't fat at all and that girls should have curves!  Meanwhile, she's 5'5 and weighs about 100 lbs.  What bullshit.

I just like the idea that millionaire celebrities are emotional wrecks just like everyone else.  That they get drunk and do fake lesbian stuff because they crave the approval of boys.  I like it because these girls are easily tricked into real lesbian stuff, and by "real", I mean "drunken fumbling around followed by an awkward morning of no eye contract and stifled crying in the bathroom."  Rawr!!!  Where is she?  Time for the master to work his magic!