Success is the best revenge. Some guy said that. Ex-girlfriends understand that fucking your best friend remains the unmatched vengeance play. The superior plotters will do so while wearing your shirts they refuse to return. READ MORE

Until there's a mass suicide among producers, actors, and viewers of reality television, the best thing that ever happened to supposedly unscripted television is these two hot chicks from The Bachelor Australia. READ MORE

Change.org is masturbation fodder for people who feel culturally exploitative watching Big Black Cock videos on Pornhub. It's snowflake impotency, mixed with slacktivism, and a hint of little girl child tantrum. READ MORE

Somewhere in the secret documents that couch fainters believe will be driving Trump's Final Solution is a rating system for foreign chicks that either keeps them domestic or puts them on transport back to Ausland. Melania stays. READ MORE

Sara Jean Underwood has six million Instagram followers. Kim Kardashian has eighty million. Go figure how we rank our titty chicks in this world. East German judges have anything to say on this? READ MORE

Chicks still can't marry other chicks in Australia. Something you don't hear a lot about from the tourism board. Also, koalas bite and carry rabies. You don't need sixteen hours without Wi-Fi to get to that. READ MORE

It's hard to put your finger on precisely how Heidi Klum differs from your typical early Black Friday morning 40-something shoppers. The lack of human carnage around her feet has to be one. READ MORE

This Thanksgiving let's not forget how the Pilgrims raped the land that would become America. Mostly with their male gaze. Also, leptospirosis. READ MORE

America loves a repentant sinner. Or a non-repentant sinner, if you can maneuver your whoring into the category of female empowerment. Watching the likes of Kendra Wilkinson turn from stripper and old guy dick sucker into domesticated wife and... READ MORE

Finally, somebody wearing a uterus dress and not talking about the pending confiscation of their reproductive rights. Swedish singer Tove Lo is known for taking off her tops regularly during her concert performances and also that amazing music we... READ MORE