These two chicks sell swimwear online. They visit popular beaches in matching bikinis waiting for cued up hunky boyfriends to run over and kiss them ferociously as men disturbingly do in porn when she still has your cum on... READ MORE

Not every Von Erich could wrestle.Not every Thorne sister looks like Bella. What becomes of the beta versions of your stage kids? You literally told them who needs an education when you can get a degree in rich and... READ MORE

Kristen Stewart dumped her burly French DJ girlfriend after wrapping a film n Paris. Soko had to suspect she was merely an out of town work fling. You're three knuckles deep and she's insisting you can only reach her... READ MORE

Your drag queen convention is firing on all cylinders when Amber Rose and Blac Chyna seamlessly blend into your crowd. For Chyna, Dragcon was the chance to highlight the Kardashian baby growing in her stripper uterus. You never know... READ MORE

Call your older sister and agree to dress down for your dinner out in Manhattan. The fake Lyme disease has sharpened your mind like a steel trap. Take her moves and turn them against her. She's dating that dude... READ MORE

Somebody has to investigate the important shit. You spend your time figuring out the difference between Trump and Clinton on trade. The real minds are working on which mother and daughter tandem in Hollywood have the best set of... READ MORE

Blond women with big racks are like lefty relievers in baseball. Even the older mediocre ones seem to keep landing gigs. Tara Reid made it nearly on time to the premiere of an Indian movie nobody seems to have... READ MORE

As a sign of improved U.S. Cuban relationships, we sent the Kardashians into Havana. Fuck you for being a pain in the ass for sixty years, Cuba. The Kardashians paraded through the streets in a Papal like motorcade blaring a... READ MORE

Not-fat female comedians have a rougher road than most. Nobody cares Melissa McCarthy hit the ice box at two in the morning breaking on the inside. She's still that funny chick from Bridesmaids. America doesn't want a skinny John... READ MORE

Rumer Willis claims Vanity Fair Photoshopped her jaw to several evolution iterations past Cro-Magnon. Willis posted the previously unseen photo to Instagram then asked everybody to please remove it from their accounts. Somebody got into mom's Whip-Its. READ MORE