I was on the fence with this whole environmental debate until President Obama shared the tale of how global warming attacked his daughter. You don’t come after a man’s family, not when he has a microphone and an unquestioning audience.... READ MORE

Last week a woman drove up to the south entrance of White House, threw a package out of her car and announced it was a bomb. The package was immediately cordoned off and the bomb squad was called. A... READ MORE

Anybody who thinks Obama is a tool but Bush was a gem needs to be an NBA ref objectively calling fouls for Kobe. They’re both a couple of Kinko’s overnight managers who can’t unjam a copier when you need your weed... READ MORE

If you’re past the age of six and you still believe in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and honest politicians you’re headed for a life of believing the Jiffy Lube guy when he tells you you need a new air... READ MORE

With all the Ferguson and Eric Garner protests going on, The Obamas turned to the hard-hitting People magazine to remind less educated Americans that they have racism stories too. Michelle Obama shared the time somebody mistook her for an... READ MORE

Ever since Not North Korea hacked into Sony Pictures emails, we’ve learned more about Hollywood than the entire history of tell-all books and scathing magazines articles and memoirs. Turns out, Hollywood is a petty place with petty people piling cash into... READ MORE

Blindly partisan politics is like watching Eagles fans throw punches at Giants fans but without the sensory treat of fleshy jowls reverberating or ruddy wives trying to break shit up with curse words you haven’t heard since the 50’s.... READ MORE

Jonathan Gruber is one of those academics who thinks everyone outside of MIT is a retard because they have jobs like construction and stocking grocery store shelves and things he knows only as Industry Codes. Arrogant fuckers like Gurber... READ MORE

Barack Obama responded to Michael Jordan’s assertion that he is a “shitty golfer” by bringing up the fact Jordan sucks as his job of running the Charlotte Hornets. For a competitive psycho like Jordan this is equivalent to spitting... READ MORE

Right about the time L.A. traffic gets super fucking horrible today, President Obama is going to make it truly memorably by hitting up the Gwyneth Paltrow Goop House West to discuss matters related to ISIS, the prevailing long term... READ MORE