You had one job, security. Keep a dude with facial piercings from assaulting America’s sweetheart. There are no guns in Britain because Marquess of Queensberry rules demand that blokes battle by way of jabs to the scapula. But they... READ MORE

Selena Gomez looks like she got drunk with her middle school friends and stole her mom’s clothes for dress up. If her mom worked the hustle in Topeka. I pictured what her tits look like then instinctively reported myself... READ MORE

Grammy’s music is akin to grabbing the iPod of a random teen girl chewing bubble gum and pressing shuffle play. You throw in a desperate attempt to feature every single black person in the recording industry into the mix... READ MORE

At some point the music industry will admit that Selena Gomez looks like a 12-year old Tijuana boy hustling both sides of the street. Not today. Not with Photoshop and glitter. If you can curb eighteen inches from around... READ MORE

The first Neighbors movie was a steaming pile of dog shit. But the sequel bodes to be better because Selena Gomez and Chloe Moretz run around in skimpy bikinis reciting lines. It’s like porn, minus the best parts. So, not... READ MORE

Somebody in marketing got the bright idea to migrate the Selena Gomez brand into sexual thrill seeker persona. It’s like watching your friend’s kids sister try on heels for the first time. There’s something about a grade schooler homaging... READ MORE

Jingle Ball is the generic name used by the tour of pop radio station hosted concerts around the country in December. If you have a daughter or you’re a pedophile you probably know the schedule. The tiny former Disney... READ MORE

There’s got to be that one moment of self-consciousness when standing in your underwear on national television and thinking, I could’ve been a nanny to a well off family in Paraguay or maybe an assistant media professor at Mizzou.... READ MORE

Hashtags are a sign you’ve officially surrendered any meaningful action. Maybe three years ago you could take a new hashtag to the social standing points bank and get a stuffed kitten. That was ten thousand General Mills cereal hashtags... READ MORE

Selena Gomez admitted she sought out professional help after somebody in an airport yelled at her ‘you’re fat’ as you often see people in airports doing. TSA is still reviewing the security footage. Through therapy and the support of... READ MORE