I had to stop paying attention to Donald Sterling after hearing about V. Stiviano and his crinkled peen. It’s like walking in on your parents having sex, if your dad is 80 and your mom is a young Mexican... READ MORE

If there’s one thing Mark Zuckerberg can’t abide it’s nipples. Big old ripe areola on the ends of female breasts. It drives him into an Aspy billionaire panic. He so much as a sees a nipple, and he starts... READ MORE

People who focus on Rihanna’s shitty music and taste in boyfriends ought to consider focusing on her ass a bit more. I find it’s a great technique for discovering the positive in people. Rihanna changed out of her semi... READ MORE

iHeart Radio inaugurated its first ever music awards and they went straight for the young teen girl popularity jugular. They didn’t even pretend like the Grammy’s still do or the American Music Awards or even the MTV whatever the... READ MORE

When Al Gore saved the world by inventing the Internet, he probably didn’t even realize it would someday mean the entire human population could stare at Rihanna’s pierced tits all simultaneous and geo-synchronized. That was the quiet genius of... READ MORE

Black girls without bras hanging out by the hallowed NBA court. Donald Sterling is going to shit fit. It’s okay to listen to Rihanna’s music, or fuck her, I mean, bleep her, but she can’t be coming to the... READ MORE

According to completely gushing girly reports by sources close to Rihanna, she’s more in love with Drake than she was ever in love with the back of Chris Brown’s hand. The pair are completely inseparable with Drake even holding... READ MORE

People don’t appreciate the fine art of multitasking until they see Rihanna able to smoke weed, get fitted for a new bluetooth wireless headset, and point her ass toward the cumulus formations all within the span of hours. Rihanna’s... READ MORE

I’m sure I don’t know shit about fashion. But I do know when dining out fancy, I need to put on my pants. Nobody wants to see my undercarriage when they’re trying to eat their clams. Rihanna gets to... READ MORE

Canadian chode Drake is now officially and exclusively dating Rihanna. The two annoying superstars have been rumored to be hooking up for a while. This has reportedly caused tension between Drake and Rihanna’s former lover, Chris Brown, who thinks... READ MORE