According to unreliable media outlets reviewing the unreliable stories run in InTouch magazine, Kim Kardashian was the secret source of Paris Hilton boozy drunken slutty rich girl gossip during her time as Paris’ lackey. This was before Ray J... READ MORE

It’s hard to say which of the fractured Hilton ducklings is the least horrible. I’m going with Nicky. In ten years of tracking celebrities I’ve never seen Nicky not on her cellphone, but fuck, if the worst thing you... READ MORE

I could tell you how much money Paris Hilton gets slipped into her garter to DJ Cannes film festival nightclub events but it would just cause you to punch something you love. As the reigning world’s greatest DJ as... READ MORE

There are two ways to read Paris Hilton’s new motto. I choose to go with the more degrading. She will fuck everything. This doesn’t sound like something to brag about necessarily, unless you can turn your hundred million trust... READ MORE

Paris Hilton’s famous glorified rat, Tinkerbell, has died at the age of fifteen. The chihuahua whore launched a thousand dumb bitches carrying dogs in purses in the early 2000’s. Nothing can heal the pain of a lost canine friend. Though... READ MORE

Dance like nobody’s watching. Fuck like everybody paid for seats. I admire Paris Hilton’s motto. Also the way her caretakers drop her and her pill organizer off to so many places each week. Ignorance is bliss, but nothing compared... READ MORE

Somebody had the ingenius idea of posing Paris Hilton as a sexualized Barbie Doll. I’m going to guess it wasn’t the makers of Barbie. Their sales are tanking, but they still want to go to heaven. Young girls who... READ MORE

Paris Hilton has a stalker named Johnny Rock Page who enjoys dressing up in motorcycle gear and calling himself a pro racer. He recently got into Hilton’s gated community by saying he was a flower delivery guy at which point... READ MORE

This February fashion conclave in New York is where the child laborers in the former Siam sit around the glowing Magnavox in the vizier’s brokedown palace and get a glimpse of the shmata they’ll soon be sewing. The caste... READ MORE

The world is wondering if Paris Hilton got new tits. It’s taken over the Paris Hilton herpetic memes and has become a close second to her younger brother calling everybody else peasants and threatening to purchase them at slave... READ MORE