Remember that time Kris Jenner announced she would shove a finger up Muhammad’s ass during sex because he was into that kinky shit? C’mon, ISIS, she’s right there in Paris. The aging succubus with see-through pants. Ready, aim, Allahu... READ MORE

There is one single spot left on this planet where Kris Jenner is roundly lauded by the public. Welcome to Paris. Homegrown jihadi terrorism and the pervasive smell of rotten apricots used to be the French capital’s two most... READ MORE

Things most commonly heard at a Kardashian Christmas Party. You slut. Followed by, I know, followed by, I’m so jealous, and finally, let’s finger each other’s buttholes then go kill mother. They giggle at the last remark because they... READ MORE

There are only two poses contextually relevant for the Kardashians. The kids naked with a rapper shlong in their bottoms and Mom feigning regret in a mugshot. Everything else is failed artistic interpretation. This disturbing Christmas vignette is an... READ MORE

All the big names in Hollywood whose names I couldn’t remember showed up to see Lance Bass shatter the stigma of same sex marriage that people stopped caring about at least five years ago. The former ‘N Sync member... READ MORE

Kris Jenner moisturized herself so heavily for her 59th birthday party she nearly phase changed into a liquid state. Imagine bottling that Maleficent ooze and selling it to jihadis looking for dark magic. The attractive black cougar cub Kris... READ MORE

Kris Jenner spent the first twenty years of her marriage cuckolding her second husband and the last two bitching about his unwillingness to ponytail penetrate her vaginaplastied shrew twat. The thought of having sex with an older woman doesn’t... READ MORE

Kris Jenner posted a photo with Gordon Ramsay promoting her cookbook and Photoshopped the shit out her and Ramsay’s face. She now resembles a young Elvis Presley or teen mom on an episode of Intervention. She also did a... READ MORE

The Dark Lord’s blistered minion officially ended her marriage to Bruce Jenner before he could complete his transformation into my long haul trucking Aunt Susan. Divorce is a somber, quarterly event in the Kardashian household. A spinster cousin plays... READ MORE

If Bruce Jenner wants to style his long hair and wear Spanx and nail polish and shave his various male points of distinction, fuck it, he won America a Gold Medal during a horrible gas crisis. We as a... READ MORE